Current mood:	determined
Current music:	Nude- Radiohead

fast fast fast
so yesterday was so perfect.  and the minute i finished my 250 calorie dinner, i knew I was done for because I started craving s'mores.  S'MORES, for fucks sake.  so i made one...felt satisfied for awhile, and then the binge monster came out of hiding and the next 4 hours were spent bingeing and purging...and then i binged some more around 1am but i was too tired to purge, so I just went to bed with this huge knot in my stomach.  it was the most depressed I've felt in a long long long long LONG time.

So I'm starting ABC tomorrow.  I changed it a bit to meet my needs a little better, but the tweaks I made were made with my goals in mind, so I'll still lose plenty by the dates I picked (Nov. 20th: 125 & Dec. 18th: 115)

On the bright side of things, I realized this morning that I have been reading my scale wrong.  It's the manual kind with a dial, and the numbers/tickers are super super tiny and close together, and I was reading the 130 line as the 135 line.  So I weigh 130, not 135.  This makes me happy at least, not that i weigh 130 but at least it's better than 135, yeah?

i guess so.

my gramma's making dinner tonight and I'm literally dreading it.  I don't have to eat if I don't want to, but when she cooks the smell like, invades every single fucking room in the house and it's amazing and taunts me...I think I'm gonna make myself some chicken broth at around 6:00 and then shut myself in my room and sniff my favorite perfume and sit at my computer from 7-9:30pm at least.  I just have to make a rule not to leave my stupid room, and I'll be fine.

No food in here.